Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Parenting Peace Found in Unexpected Places

My husband is on a 10 day business trip.  If I don't keep our son, TsukiMoon active and interested, he starts to act out.  It's not good for either of us.  A terrible spiral starts where we begin to feed on each other.

That is as awful as it sounds.  It tears me up on the inside and breaks me down as a person.  I hate it.  It has taken me a bit to understand the cure but we must, MUST; get out, call people, set play dates, and go to events around town.  If I work these strategies peace and love are maintained.

The only other cure if I don't find enjoyment out of the house is the screen.  It's not an option for me but TsukiMoon would loves it.  Endless YouTube videos to research his latest interest is at the top of the list of "great things."  He quests ceaselessly for the next video that gives information about the latest interest.   It's not all bad, but hours and hours are too much.

We went to a thing at the school called Math Circles.  It started late in the evening, 7pm, but it is worth a spun up kid will go to bed a little later if it means we like each other.  As always it is a struggle to get him out the door.  There were lots of: "I don't want to go.  Do we have to?  I don't want to go."  In a unpleasantly whinny voice.

I got him in the car, cooing, "Yes, Yes I know, your mom is curious.  It's a terrible thing for you isn't it?"

This is the first.  I am sensitive to anything that feels like "pushing my kid."  For me to accept the diagnosis of autism meant that I had to let go of any "what ifs?"  To just accept him.  To leave the house to go to an academic event seemed to be skating along on "what could be,"  but luckily most of my high school and college math has been forgotten so it was just about fun in learning.

Math Circles is a education outreach by mathematicians to share their love of math with kids.  The kids can be taught mathematically complicated concepts that they might not get in school, but which are accessible to their age.

Last night we learned Fibonacci's number in a hands on way.  Parents and kids alike learned how to tackle a math proof, something I haven't done in years.  It was good that I couldn't help my son because it allowed us to learn side-by-side.  He saw his mom struggle but enjoy the process.  I hope it was a "roll-model" moment, showing it's ok to be uncomfortable while I work towards an answer.

We left 10 minutes to the end because the little guy was done.  The goal was to keep the whole event fun, it was easy to walk out.  TsukiMoon asked me what did I like about Math Circles.  "I don't get to use math proofs in my daily life so it was fun to play around and figure one out."

He responded with, "yeah I had fun but it would be better if wasn't about math."  The cool demeanor was different when his dad called. TsukiMoon told him what a great time he had.  He said he got to see his friends (just a quick break to reflect on just that moment "friends," he feels he has friends!) and to play around.  He was excited to share.

Like I state in most posts, life for TsukiMoon to learn is really about time.  He might catch on to things more slowly then his neuro-typical peers but he does get there.  Besides it's not like he isn't learning other things while taking in what his peers know too.  He's smart and will get there, wherever "there" is.  The most important thing is that he is happy and we are happy together.  Especially when I don't have back-up.

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