I want to keep this blog about working towards the solution. Sometimes things come up that seem unique to this off-script life that I find myself in. This happened yesterday. A small comment that derailed my day.
I go to yoga class on Tuesdays and Fridays. Yoga has helped me to be an even-keeled mother, that way I can do my best for Boo. I would like to do it more then two days week, it helps me transcend the dailiness of life and find peace.
A mutual friend of the instructor asked me to say "hi" to Mrs. J at the next class, so I did. Mrs. J asked how I knew Mrs. S? I told her that we met at pre-school. This got me into a discussion with other members of the class about; the pre-school, ages of our children and what schools they attend now. One of the other people in the class happened to be a previous board member of the pre-school. His children were much older and he nicely informed me that, every new horizon in his children's lifes' were all great and brought benefits and excitement. It felt to me as though he was trying to give good-natured advice about enjoy your kid.
None of what he said was bad, it was well-meaning. It seemed like a prototypical comment of someone with "normal" children might say. I had nothing to say to him. What could I have said? That we celebrate when our kid actually talks to another person? When he can go out to the car by himself to get the book that he left there?
I had a small heartbreak at that moment. It was hard to "transcend" the rest of the day. Part of the reason was that we had a terrible time at that pre-school. We had to take TsukiMoon out of pre-school when Boo was 3. He ran into a teacher who clearly didn't like him and was rough on him. Mr. TsukiMoon and I decided to have TsukiMoon leave mid-year because he didn't need to be subjected to her anger.
That well-meaning comment caused remembrances about all the "experts/educators" that saw TsukiMoon as a problem, who didn't like him, but never suggested that there might be another issue (Boo wasn't diagnosed with ASD when he was 7 3/4 years-old). It also brought up frustration with my lack of understanding with TsukiMoon children in general, and that I should have been more aggressive to find answers, the frustration that lack of money made that impossible.
At this time I thought that my kid was a great kid. Frustrating kid, yes but lovely all the same. Smart and capable TsukiMoon was a young child who behave just like that, a young child. The adults who had issues with him was, well, their issue, not TsukiMoon's.
My day was completely waylaid by all this: a regretted past. I watched Netflix for the rest of the day, a lost day. Then because I didn't accomplish anything I dreamt last night about being in the show The Walking Dead, where I was one of the zombies. All pretty terrible.
There was one good thing about the day besides attending yoga class, I found a new quote. I love quotes and collect them.
Be bold and mighty forces with come to your aid. --Goethe
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