So much of autism has been thinking, ‘I could do more,’ or worse looking back with the thought, ‘could I have done more. . .’ “If I had only done _______, then everything would be better.” “If only I had known the impact of stress during pregnancy I would have done more yoga.” So much second guessing. If I put all the garbage aside our son, TsukiMoon, was born this way and I’ve done a great job.
Education is very important me. I define it simply as a joy of learning. Easy to say, hard to create. Back in October 2013 when we got the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, I went into overdrive. I felt like I was running against the clock of brain mechanics of the younger you are the better you can learn.
I set up a bi-weekly lessons with a speech and language pathologist, along with the classes he was already doing in occupational therapy and social class. The work setting up schools took the most time and rigor.
His social skills teacher felt TsukiMoon would be better served by public school, that the environment in Private was too caustic. She came to this conclusion during her observation of him at school showed that he was being bullied at the private school.
She witnessed an awful experience where the other kids in his class had sticks that they were wielding “Harry Potter” style, spelling and hexing him to be unhappy. He was so scared that he actually went up to the evaluator, a person he had never met, and asked her for help. Amazing because he is also scared of strangers.
We really didn’t want to take him out of school to put him into another. We balanced our desire for consistency with the need for safety and self-esteem. We worked with the private school to create a safe place for him. (In retrospect they didn’t do a very good job. We really should have taken him out of that school at that time.)
Even though TsukiMoon didn’t go directly into public school I did ask for an evaluation from the school district. Anyone can ask for an individualized learning plan (IEP) from the school district even if you got to private school or are home schooled. I wanted the public school to be fully prepped and all interventions in place if TsukiMoon went there.
For the private school I had specialists come in and explain to the private school to explain to them what were the needs of our son. This came out of a horrible grade year with an equally bad teacher. The underlying message from the teacher was it’s him, not me.
Why did I do all this? Simply, I was pissed. I was ticked with everyone with everyone who had taught my son to that point. From the pre-school teachers who didn’t like him (again the message was, he is a problem, instead of has a learning issue) to the people at the private school with just one exception, his kindergarten teacher who was exceptional.
My most important value is a joy of learning. I don’t read TsukiMoon’s report cards because learning is not about grades. I can tell how well he is doing by the level of interest for school. Grades come a few times a year, attitude I can gage everyday.
Personally I had little trust for public school was because mine failed me. It was so bad my parents took me out of school to homeschool me because I was in 2nd grade and unable to read. I was painfully uncomfortable in school, for this reason I was going to make public school work for us. It had to be a great experience. I was my son’s champion; never give up on him or let up on the people teaching him.
The public school sent representatives to observe TsukiMoon in class, several times. We also met with at the public school many times, with a big meeting at then end of second grade, all the special-ed folks; ot, speech and langauge were there, also the psychologist, and principle. In that meeting I asked if it was ok to attend their school for just the first week in the fall and then decide where we wanted to place our son; public or private.
Private started a week after public started so it worked our really well. We had this slim window in which to decide. It was a anxious week. I don’t think I have agonized about any decision more. At the end of the week public was the better choice.
One of the reason it was the right place was it was not as rigorous a start. He knew many of the subjects covered in the fall. He was able to get his feet back under him. He needed his confidence back and redoing much of what he learned the previous year was perfect, a complete re-set.
TsukiMoon really started to fly after the Christmas holidays and started to enjoy school and learning again. When that happened I could start stepping back from the process. Not having to drive learning so much was a nice break. During all the time at the private school I was jumping through any and all hoops I could find, anything to make the isolation and frustrations easier.
At public school there is none of that. For good or bad, people have to attend or make other arrangements. It might sound funny but I don’t have to make friends with the other mothers unless I want to. It’s just school, parents relationships are not even necessary to the process.
It cost us a year’s tuition because of when we took him out of the private school. (We had a signed a contract back in Febuary and couldn’t get out of it.) It turned out that was small price when we found a teacher worth her weight in gold at the public school. She had a big role in the success of 3rd grade.
There were many good things about the private school but there was a simple fact that TsukiMoon was getting bullied there and wasn’t enjoying school. When we asked about the school’s bullying policy they responded, “we don’t really talk about bullying here.” Basically on the surface it was all nicey-nicey but it was being run like a private club where they could exclude whom ever they chose.
For that reason clinched it, we had to put our son in public school. In the United States there is a law called “protected class.” It means that a certain people have extra rights under the law. The school is at a increased burden to protect a child with a disability, which autism is classified as.
Just because a school is required by law to do extra for such people that doesn’t mean that they do. The neighbor school had an incident of bullying the year before we enrolled TsukiMoon for letting a boy with ASD be bullied. The principle is a good person and wants to do the right thing, he was extra diligent not to have that happen again. This created an extra level of protection for our son. We wanted him safe.
He was safe and happy, then on top of that he flew.
