Objectives:
• Help our son, TsukiMoon, feel comfortable enough to talk with strangers and people in general.
• Create skills that give him confidence in himself.
Theory:
I call games, "life lite," meaning the skills learned in games; self control, learning how to lose, good sportsmanship, how to communicate translates to competence in real life. Playing games will draw TsukiMoon into the world of people; where he understands, is willing to learn from, and enjoys others.
On the ground:
So much of our experience as parents of TsukiMoon is about going outside our comfort-zone and stepping up to the plate as parents to help our son overcome his disabilities. We don't expect to hit any home-runs, unless a happy child is a homerun, which we thing is.
Today it is my husband's turn to be uncomfortable to help facilitate TsukiMoon's desire to play a game called Warhammer. A quick description of Warhammer is part of a class of games called "battle gaming" games. It is played with figurines and complex set of rules. These are not computer games so they fill two of our desires for TsukiMoon interaction with others and through playing games with others learn how to modulate his behavior.
In the book “Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heros, and Autism” by Ron Suskind talks about, “finding a way in.” Meaning find the thing your child is drawn to which will draw him out of himself, to give the child a context to communicate with the world. For the author's son it was Disney movies. For our son it has been World War 2 and weapons. This posed a problem for us, particularly my husband. My husband's history is his best friend was shot and killed in high school. It happened at a home shooting range under the supervision of an adult. My husband, Mr. TsukiMoon is adamant not to have weapons in the house especially with a child who has a fragile understanding of empathy to have or handle one, wether it be a Nerf weapon or anything else.
Personally I believe this fascination with war and weapons for TsukiMoon stems from anxiety and fear. He feels that he needs to protect himself. He perceives the world as a dangerous, scary place. For TsukiMoon his anxiety is, in some cases, more a hinderance to life then his ASD.
Our goal as parents: help him feel comfortable and safe in the world. TsukiMoon clearly wans to play with weapons. What to do? Solution: play Warhammer, X-Wing, with friends, at game stores, in tournaments so he feels comfortable with people and isn't so afraid. The effects of the weapons are make-believe. Unlike hitting your friend with a Nerf bullet, you play your friend in a battle with strategy in a fantasy world, much like chess.
It has been out side of our comfort to learn and play these games but it has also been beneficial. Mr. TsukiMoon needed an outlet from a long work hours and lots of travel. He needed a hobby that had nothing to do with work. We have embrace TsukiMoon's desire to play these games. We have met lots of nice people who are willing to talk to TsukiMoon.
TsukiMoon never wants to step out the door of our house for anything. His first answer to, "do you want to ______?" is "no." But we do it anyway because it is important to "stretch" TsukiMoon's comfort level. Mr. TsukiMoon will say to me in private, "I don't know why I do this and then I remember. TsukiMoon changes, normally shy he goes up to these adults and starts to talk to them about their shared interests. It's amazing to see the difference. To watch him open up."
Mr. TsukiMoon is concern because TsukiMoon doesn't seem to know what he is good at. "When I was his age I knew what I was good at," Mr. TsukiMoon told me. These games help create skill and therefore confidence.
TsukiMoon gains skill by assembling the many miniatures and their vehicles. The sets come in llittle pieces that need to glued together and painted. All the production to create the characters plus learning the extensive codexes of rules has help TsukiMoon gain confidence in himself, even among adults. This is where the ASD in TsukiMoon shines. His ability to memorize the large amount of rules is stunning.
Many of the interventions we do with TsukiMoon are really “time on the pond.” We work every week to stretch in areas of his discomfort so that he can learn he is safe, then he learns to use his voice. It's “exposure therapy,” the more he is uncomfortable, in gentle ways, and survives the more likely he will thrive.
