Have you heard of the phrase, "Go Slow to Go Fast." It means take time to build a strong foundation so that when it's time for production/output, it will be streamlined, powerful, and fast. This is what we did with our son yesterday.
Yesterday we made it formal. We officially took TsukiMoon out of his rigorous academic private school so that he can attend public. No easy decision because; transitions are tough for him, he has to make to make new friends, and go away from friends he's know for 3 years (K,1st, 2nd), and as parents we signed a contract to pay a tuition that we won't get the benefit of.
We started this decision back in November, 2nd grade, when We had TsukiMoon observed by a psychologist. 1st grade didn't go well and we wanted to know why. On the day she observed, TsukiMoon actually approached her, a stranger, and asked for help because he needed help with the boys from his class. His classmates had taken sticks, pretended they were wands in "Harry Potter" style, and used them to cast the spell of unhappiness on TsukiMoon It was heartbreaking to hear about and concerning that he went up to a stranger, especially since he he had a fear of strangers, to ask for help. It was a break down on many levels, even though we were happy that he asked for help from someone.
The psychologist felt we should take TsukiMoon out of the private school immediately and put him in public where they have the resources to facilitate play for kids like TsukiMoon Plus she felt strongly that he couldn't, shouldn't have to take hits on his person, that he couldn't stand up to it and thrive.
Right or wrong we didn't take him out of the school and worked hard to create a good year for him. He ended up having a dynamic academic year and created a few friends. I continued to noticed him being maligned by his classmates though and was concerned. They would criticize him for his fear to do physical feats that other boys could do easily or out-right tease and attack him and then laugh about it with other classmates. A problem, but not our biggest concern.
Academically things ramp up in 3rd grade, the grade he is now. Third grade is about reading to learn and writing to express ideas. Both a challenge for Boo. When he was tested for IQ and academics last year he ranked 97% for vocabulary knowledge but 3% for reading comprehension. Killer if 3rd grade starts to reflect your grasp of how language is structured and how ideas are expressed. He has natural skills, but not at the level of his classmates as far as the physical act of writing and needs to learn very specific rules around sentence creation. Basically his disabilities are getting in the way of his gifts. Our feeling to slow down elementary school to create a solid foundation.
His evaluation by a psychologist, occupational therapist (OT), and educational specialist didn't turn out conclusive results so they asked us to have Boo evaluated by a speech and language pathologist (SPL). It was after her evaluation that he came up with the diagnosis for autism spectrum disorder (ASD). A tough day when we heard the diagnosis, but a day that ramped us up into high gear. Fortunately for us the OT, who he was first evaluated by who suggested that he have him further evaluated, couched the suggestion of further tests as, "think of it as finding how best to help TsukiMoon learn, regardless of what is found out."
It has been the SPL who has had the most impact on TsukiMoon partly because he sees her the most and because communication is his biggest challenge. After her evaluation we started sending TsukiMoon to her twice a week, 3 times a week during the summer. Luckily he is a fast learner so he is a joy for her to teach. After 6 months with her she told us that he would not test today as he did when she first met him. She covers all the important things that will be covered in third grade; reading comprehension, how to write a sentence, structure a paragraph, to a full-blown essay-- she is excellent at her job. Which brings us to the value of "Go Slow to Go Fast." TsukiMoon needs more time studying and doing homework practice on his struggles so that middle school can go well.
Back in October/November 2013 when we got the 411 on TsukiMoon the clinicians where impressed with how fast we were able to take the news, process it, and rapidly take action. They reiterated several times that a lot of parents decide to put off doing anything because the child is young and could grow out of the issues that caused concern, then when the child got to middle school with no intervention, faced an uphill battle. None of this has been easy and we questioned the diagnosis as well. We easily understand the viewpoint of those parents, but we chose the path of strong intervention.
We chose help for two reasons; TsukiMoon was clearly unhappy and embarrassed by how he preformed relative to his peers and that just wasn't ok. The other reason and the reason for articles and starting a blog, is that my husband and I feel like we are running against a clock. A clock where TsukiMoon's brain becomes more and more locked as he gets older. Where instead of undoing 2, 3, or 4 locks there are many to figure out and access the correct key.
I should say here that we have seen children on the spectrum who clearly don't care about peers, don't have strong reasons to create and keep friends, and preform happily unaware of social expectations. Maybe if we had that kid we would approach this whole thing differently. We have the child who wants; playmates and then makes his friends mad by acting inappropriately, becomes sad and embarrassed, a child who wants to do well in school but can't figure out how, a child who is uncomfortable to talk but has a lot to say. We had to something. This is our job as parents.
We will do and find whatever works.
I want to make a note here that we fully expect TsukiMoon (not his name) to embrace his challenge. We want him to write his own history unburdened by his past, for that reason I don't want either mine or his name public. People have told me, not knowing what our challenges as a family are, "autistic children scare me," "I hate all the autistic kids in school." Nobody needs this as a legacy.
